But I didn't mean you!

But I didn't mean you.

I didn't mean it like that.

I don't see color.

Those people just shouldn't have kids.

You just haven't done enough research.

You speak English really well for someone like you.

You're just too sensitive.

Racism isn't really a problem.

Sexism doesn't exist.

     There are just so many of these. I could literally dedicate a blog to just things like this. Now, don't mistake my meaning. Some of these do have an appropriate time and place. If you're colorblind, it's absolutely appropriate to say you don't see color. If you made a mistake in wording, it's fine to say that you didn't mean it like that, and explain what you meant. But I don't hear it in those contexts most of the time.

     This post is inspired in part by a conversation I had online with a friend. She stated that if you don't physically show up to protests, you no longer have the right to call yourself a true ally. (I may be screwing up the wording a bit but that was the idea.) I pointed out that this was unfair to many of us who were incapable for various, entirely valid reasons, and that we shouldn't have to justify ourselves to all and sundry. So she changed her wording. She didn't argue with me. She didn't say "I didn't mean it like that, so it's okay" or "I didn't mean you." Hell, I highly doubt she did mean to exclude others. (If you ever read this, I apologize for the assumption, and I hope you understand why I made it.) I was extremely surprised that it was that easy. She's a great person and I have no expectations that she would actively discriminate against marginalized groups, and I still didn't expect it to be that easy. It made me realize just how often I hear these types of things, from people I otherwise like and respect. It made me realize how often people tell me that I'm being oversensitive, that I'm a snowflake, that millenials just don't understand how the world works and therefore my opinion of something that directly affects me and/or those I love is invalid.

     During the election, I was in a group which I will not name, as most of the members don't deserve to be called out for something that an admin did. The admin posted a video of Clinton after she fainted, claiming that she had a seizure and this made her unfit for the presidency. That all people with epilepsy are unfit for serious positions. That all people with epilepsy are mentally defective and incapable of real responsibilities. But it's okay, y'all, because she didn't mean me. I was just oversensitive. I didn't understand how the world works. I left the group, which I otherwise loved, because dehumanizing everyone with my condition wasn't something I could overlook, because it's not okay.

     It's not okay.

     It's not okay and it's something we owe to our students, to ourselves, and to the world at large to work on.

     We all have our prejudices. To deny it is to deny yourself the opportunity to grow. Working through what you've been taught, thinking twice about what you say and post, accepting criticism from marginalized groups; these are opportunities to grow. So when someone tells you that what you're saying is racist, that your essential oils actually can trigger migraines and seizures no matter what your rep tells you, that what you're saying actually is a harmful slur even if you were reared that it was an acceptable thing to say, listen. Don't try to explain the conditions that they deal with every day to them. Don't tell kids that their culture and their skin have no effect on their opportunities and how they'll be treated by other people. Don't tell people that being open about their existence as bi, or gay, or trans is forcing an agenda on others. Stop, and listen, and think.